how to make professional cycling clean

it's very easy. each professional race has a mobile testing clinic. 2 days before the start of the race, all riders are tested. the results are televised for all viewers to see. any rider failing the various tests by a greater margin than can normally be explained due to natural causes, or limitations of the testing procedure itself will be required to wear a pink afro wig attached to their cycle helmets at all times during the race.

next, instead of receiving the normal water and nutrition foods from team cars, these riders must instead receive only bottled beer (not bud light, or rolling rock, as that is the same as water) and slices of pepperoni pizza. this should make for some entertaining scenes as positively tested riders become bloated and drunk.

this is a very simple system; no bans, no fines, no scandals or courts.

now let's see who wants to cheat!