the sad power of the internet

stock up on plenty of cheese. you never know when the minister will strike…

i thought this was a joke when i first came across it on the internet. sad.

"Ever wish your life had its own special soundtrack? Want to introduce your friend to new tunes? Easy, just make a mix tape or CD! Whether it's a gift or just for you, read on for simple tips on how to be your own mixmaster.

Before you begin, you have to know the purpose of the mix. You might need music you can dance to for a party. Romantic grooves might be in order for that special someone. Maybe you just want a mix that you know will cheer up a friend who's down in the dumps. The mood you want to set influences the songs you'll pick

We can't cover every type of mix here, so we're going to concentrate on making a great dance tape. Click the button for our how-tos.

Before dubbing, you should plan out what songs to include, and the exact order you want them to go in. To make a successful mix, you have to create the perfect mood to draw in your listeners and make them beg for more! Here are some guidelines:

1. Start with some big hits that people will recognize. This will get them into the music and onto the dance floor. Examples include; "Independent Women, Part I" by Destiny's Child, or Madonna's "Music."

2. After you've won over the crowd with some smash hits they love, put in a few songs that are older, but still great to dance to, like Jackson 5's "ABC."

3. Now that the crowd is groovin', hit them with YOUR personal favorite tracks. For Channel One's Music Supervisor Brian Miller, that would mean "One More Time" by Daft Punk, or "Freedom" by Bob Sinclar.

4. The next to last song of the mix has a special purpose. That's where you make YOUR STATEMENT. You can teach the listeners something, express a particular feeling or just plain rock the house! Brian's picks for "statement tracks"? Alice Deejay's "Better Off Alone" or Stardust's "The Music Sounds Better With You."

5. The very last one is the decompression song. It switches the tempo down since everyone kinda beat but not ready to stop. You still want to pick a relatively popular song, but with a different beat, like Joe's slow jam "I Wanna Know."

· Try to keep the tempo the same throughout the mix. This will keep the crowd on their feet and dancing. Only on the last song should switch tempo.

· Unless you have two CD players and a mixer, or two turntables and a mixer, you can't really control where one song fades out and the other begins, so don't worry about that.

· Funky re-mixes of current songs, like 'N Sync's "Pop," are a fun way to spice things up. The words of the song are familiar, but you still get to introduce different beats and sounds.

· Have fun! The more you energy you put into it, the more enjoyment you and your friends will get out of the mix when it's done."

and don't blame me if there's a sudden, unruly cheesy disturbance at your party...